Oct 14, 2009 5:52 pm
Alright, so I thought I fell in "love", however, it is really complicated and I feel as though I have been <s>somewhat of</s> a jerk now. Please, allow me to elaborate. I fell for one of my good friends, however, after a long and drawn out sequence of events, I discovered she didn't like me the same way. Eventually, she found out about the crush I had on her and I've sort of dragged things on a bit. She only wants to be friends now, and now, so do I. I kept telling myself (and her) that, but I never actually truly believed it. Now, I am going to try and completely "bury the hatchet", and try to put it behind us (that's what she wants, and now, that is entirely what I want). I will have no regrets of this, and from this point fourth, actions will speak louder than words (especially half-baked promises that I meant to be true but accidentally slipped up on). I do believe I will require a stronger willpower to go through with this though. The reason being, one of my good friends, Elijah, called me a stalker (because I still had feelings for her after finding out from a mutual friend that she didn't feel the same way about me), does having a crush on someone (and making a couple bad decisions, like coming on too strong, going out of my way to hint that I like her, and various other stupid things that I now regret doing entirely) truly make you a stalker? I am quitting this stupidity now, not only because it's the right thing to do, because it's what she wants, or to salvage our friendship, but rather all three of those things, plus I now see the error of my ways and wish to do so. I would hate for one or both of us to be uncomfortable around each other as friends, just over some stupid teenage crush. So I am putting an end to it, and respecting her wishes (as well as my own) by going back to just being friends. In fact, I believe I may have unconsciously showed my affection a few times (i.e. my Final Fantasy XI character is named after her and commenting on every single one of her Facebook statuses). I also want to show her (as well as myself), that I don't want that sort of vibe, just as she doesn't, or we will always hate (and/or feel uncomfortable around each other) for the rest of our lives, and neither of us want to lose our very close friendship over something so trivial and stupid. Right now I am actually sad, I'm almost never said (only been sad twice in like 3 years; when my cousin died about a week ago and now), I really screwed up bad, and now I just feel terrible, I am almost crying (not that I <s>ussually</s> ever cry) because of what I've done (see above), I feel so sorry for what I've done to Tabitha (made her feel awkward and/or bad/sad around me), I don't even know where to begin to make it up to her (however, I have decided that putting an end to this one-sided romance is the best course of action for my first step). Anyone have any advice, questions, commentary?
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